my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
