I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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