Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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