You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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