Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
