Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
