Your face is a jimmy john
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Randomize
