I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
