I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
