wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
