I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
