i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My penis needs a shock collar
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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