he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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