hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
