I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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