Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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