I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
