that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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