You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
