direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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