Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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