She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
