sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
