Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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