Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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