I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
