So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
