I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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