nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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