His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
