the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
