i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
