Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
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