I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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