She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dicks are not precious.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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