you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
