he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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