hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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