My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Lo siento on account of my penis...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
