i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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