One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
