I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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