did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
