my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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