I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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