I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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