My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
