I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
