how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My ass is underappreciated
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
