We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
