Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
