there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
