I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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