I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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