Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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