Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
