Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
