Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
