All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
