Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
