PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
