this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
