He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize