I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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