i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
