Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
