She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
