Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
