my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I woke up under a house in Key West
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